Adjusting to Reality
by TwilightMusicLife93
Summary: When Carlisle finds Esme and brings her to join the family, Edward's jealousy takes over. Edward struggles to accept that Esme is part of his family and eventually does something he regrets. Carlisle is then forced to step in and fix the mess his son created. WARNING: This story will contain non-sexual spanking as a discipline method. Don't like, don't read!
1. Chapter 1

******A/N:** Hello everyone! This is my first story ever so please go easy on me, I hope you find it interesting and enjoy it. This story is set when Carlisle finds Esme and she joins te family. I think I read somewhere that Edward didn't appreciate the addition too much at first so I decided to take my spin on it. I will try to focus this on Edward's evolving relationship with Carlisle and Esme. I hope you like it!

**Warning: **This story **WILL **contain the use of non-sexual spanking as a form of discipline. This is a **discipline **fic. If this isn't your thing, please don't read!

**Disclaimer: **I don't own twilight or any of the characters. They all belong to the beautiful Stephenie Meyer who has let us use them for our stories.

* * *

_Ashland 1921_

It had been a couple of hours since Carlisle had left for his night shift at the hospital and I was sitting in our home library reading a new novel that he had purchased for me. Being only my third year as a vampire, my newborn instincts were still on high and although I had started going back to school, Carlisle preferred I refrained from going into town alone too much. I for one thought he was being paranoid, but I respected and trusted Carlisle too much to go against his orders. Since I couldn't go out of the house unless to hunt or with Carlisle, I spent most of my time in our library reading and re-reading Carlisle's massive collection of literature. It was truly incredible, and when he could, he would buy me new books so I didn't have to re-read his old ones again. Being a sleepless, immortal creature meant I had all the time I wished, and whenever I was not at school or spending time with Carlisle, my pastimes revolved around reading and playing piano.

In my human life, my mother used to be a wonderful pianist. She would play and compose beautiful pieces for me almost every day. I had never gained an interest in playing until I had been changed. Playing piano was my way of holding on to my past and my way of keeping a connection with my beautiful mother who I missed dearly. Carlisle had surprised me with a grand piano a few days after I had confined my feelings to him. I was shocked when I received this gift from a man who I had only known a couple of months, but it was then when I realized that Carlisle needed me as much as I needed him.

Carlisle was my light in the dark days following my change. He was my inspiration in every way. I was sure that my soul was damned but Carlisle's had to be saved. Over the past three years that we had spent together, I had grown to see him as a father. I loved and respected him in every way possible and I was honored to be the one creature that could cure his solitude. But in the same way, I didn't know what I would be without him. At first I loathed him for what he had made me. I couldn't stand being a monster and I thought Carlisle had wanted to get revenge by torturing me so. It only took a couple of days for me to realize his good intentions though. His thoughts were so pure and clean; they were burning to know what he could do to help me. I opened up to him, I let him help me, and since that day my existence as the demonic creature I am has been easier and easier to bear.

I had never admitted my feelings to him however. I had never told him that I looked to him as a father. I was afraid of rejection, even though I could see in his thoughts that he felt the same way towards me. Many times a thought or two that he was trying to hide would slip his mind and I would hear him call me 'Son'. Even though his love for me was clear, I didn't want to fully accept that such a wise and perfect man like him would have those feelings for someone so fallible as myself. Although I longed for that father and son relationship that I knew would only happen if I opened up to him, my insecurity and fear of rejection from this perfect man kept me from doing so.

A slow ruffling of leaves snapped me out of my inner monologue. Being only 10 pm, it was much too early for Carlisle to be coming back home, his shift usually ended in the morning, just in time to take me to school. But the far away footsteps that were running toward the house were most definitely his. I kept listening intently to Carlisle's steps which seemed much quicker and agitated than usual. As he got closer home, his pained thoughts suddenly hit me. His head was a jumbled mess and I couldn't understand anything that was going through his mind at the moment. I could only get flashes of images of his thoughts: The hospital, a girl, pain, panic. What was going on with him? And what was that other noise that accompanied his thoughts? A slow and faint but yet very familiar thud could be heard approaching as Carlisle got closer...

Was that a heartbeat? No, it was much too slow to be one, unless… I shook my head trying to get that thought out of my head, _Carlisle wouldn't change another human. He couldn't!_ I thought outraged,_ He couldn't possibly wish this life upon someone else_. As he got closer, I started hearing something else, breathing, heavy breathing and whimpers, as if someone was in pain. It was a woman's voice, sweet and delicate yet filled with so much agony. And then, her scent hit me. A sweet aroma radiated off her. I could smell her blood but for the first time, this human's blood didn't make my throat burn. Her blood was contaminated with something else, with venom.

Running downstairs, I opened the door to see Carlisle approaching with a young woman in his arms. He walked in and carefully laid her down on the couch, a worried and pained look distorted his features.

I looked at Carlisle, shock and outrage shown on my face. Carlisle _had_ changed someone. But who? And _why_ would he change anyone? Was I not enough for him? Did he wish to damn another person's soul? What was Carlisle thinking? He ignored me and went to examine the girl instead. As he brushed a strand of hair out of her face, a gasp escaped my mouth as I saw and recognized her face.

"E-Esme?" I couldn't help but pronounce her name. Carlisle looked shocked as he turned to face me.

"Edward, you know her?"

I quickly shook my head, "No Carlisle, but I... I saw her in your thoughts once," I admitted as he looked back at the woman. I had seen this girl, much younger in Carlisle's mind but obviously the same person. Carlisle had tended her several years ago after she had broken her leg from falling off a tree. He didn't think about her much, she was just another one of his patients, but he thought about her once when we had visited Ohio to retrieve some of Carlisle's old belongings. After that visit though, I hadn't seen her in Carlisle's mind ever again. So why had he changed this woman? And how had he found her today anyways? Her tattered features and slow heartbeat clearly showed that she had been injured, but that was no reason to change another being. I looked back at Carlisle with a questioning look on my face urging him to explain. He sighed and after tending the woman, he motioned me to follow him to the kitchen, out of her hearing range but close enough for us to keep an eye on her.

"I don't know Edward. I don't know why I changed her if that's what you want to know," he began, "When I found her in the morgue today... the memory of when I treated her as a young girl filled my mind and I... I couldn't let her go."

I glanced back at the woman lying on the couch, her heartbeat was starting to accelerate which meant the venom had spread and soon her screams would begin. For some reason, this new addition irked me and I couldn't stand to see her lying there. It infuriated me to see that another creature than myself held Carlisle's attention. I turned my gaze back to Carlisle and shot him an accusing glare.

"How could you?" I spat at him. Turning I left the room and went to the comfort of my own. Nothing had been the same since then.

* * *

It had been about a month since Esme had joined the family and Carlisle and her had quickly developed feelings for each other. When she woke from the transformation, Esme had been anything but angry towards Carlisle. She saw him as her angel and it was clear that she had not forgotten the incident at the hospital 10 years prior. Esme was completely in love with Carlisle and he was quick to develop the same feelings for her. Since that day, her thoughts were full of hope yet also filled with misery from what she had endured in her human life. She had told us her story after Carlisle had explained to her what she had become. I did feel bad for what had happened to her, but at the same time I was a little annoyed at how well she was taking the change. I knew it was foolish of me, but I was irritated by her quick acceptance of this new life. It was as if she actually _enjoyed_ what she had become and she proved that every single day. She would always find things to do at home, whether it be to rearrange furniture or browse through the library, it was easy to tell she was starting to become akin to this new lifestyle. Of course being with the man of her dreams helped too, but all of her optimistic actions exasperated me. How could she possibly accept this tragedy in such a positive light?

I hadn't been too kind to Esme since she came. Carlisle was always obsessing over her and I was angry that she got all the attention instead of me. I couldn't believe how much Carlisle was always looking after her, he had even told me to start walking to school because he needed to take care of Esme as soon as he was home from work. I should have understood, after all, they _were_ "in love" and she was only a newborn, but I couldn't help to feel betrayed by Carlisle and his feelings to his newfound lover.

When I came home from school one day, I found Esme in the living room reading. As soon as she saw me she smiled and stood up to greet me.

"Hello Edward, how was your day?" she said warmly coming towards me.

I quickly walked the other way trying to avoid her. I walked into the adjacent room and said quite dismissively, "Fine," then quickly added, "Where's Carlisle?" when I couldn't smell his scent.

"He went into town, dear. I believe he wanted to buy you some new books and get me some gardening materials," she said smiling and shooting a glance at our tattered yard.

I raised an eyebrow turning and looking skeptically at the woman. Her dearest Carlisle had really left her alone for more than the absolute time needed? What was Carlisle up to now? I gave her a curt nod and then headed upstairs for my room. Not too long after, I heard Carlisle's car pull in on our driveway. As he shut off his loud engine, I couldn't help but remember the times when it was only he and me. My heart used to feel as if it could leap from excitement whenever he came home from work. I knew we would only have a few minutes to chat before he took me to school but I still treasured those moments in which we shared our experiences of the previous nights. It wasn't as if Carlisle ignored me all together now a days but he just spent most of his time and attention with his beloved partner.

A low rapping on the door brought me back to reality, "Edward? May I come in?" Carlisle's gentle voice came from the other side.

"Sure Carlisle," I replied.

Carlisle walked in carrying a stack of books and set them on my desk.

"I found some books you might like at the shop, it looks like they're closing down, I might have to take you down so you can pick some out before they close," he said genuinely.

I frowned, "Shouldn't you be with _Esme_?" I almost spat out her name, "Why are you wasting your precious time with me, Carlisle?"

Carlisle raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms in response, "Is that how you thank me for buying you new books Edward? What's wrong? Talk to me boy,"

I huffed and rolled my eyes, "Thank you for the books,"

"Edward, I can't help you if you don't talk to me. Do you feel like I've neglected you recently?" He asked patiently.

"What do you think Carlisle?" I answered smartly. I could see his body tense up at my attitude but taking a few deep breaths he answered.

"Edward I promise you I'm doing everything in my power to spend more time with you. I am sorry if you feel like I've been neglecting you, that was never my intention. I love you very much and I don't want this to change our relationship. Esme has recently gotten an interest in fixing up our yard, that is why I went into town and got her some gardening materials. While she is out there fixing the garden, you and I can spend some time together. And, when I trust that her vampiric instincts are under control enough for her to be left alone, maybe you and I could go on a hunting trip together, to catch up on things. How does that sound Edward?" He asked putting a hand on my shoulder. I shook his hand off immediately, that was not the answer I wanted to hear.

"I don't like her. I don't like what she's doing to you,"

"Keep your voice down please, she can hear you," Carlisle said in a quiet tone. I could tell he was beginning to lose his patience, but I didn't care, at that moment I was too annoyed for anything.

"I don't care Carlisle. I don't want her around, can't you just get rid of her?" I said in the same volume as before.

"Edward Cullen don't you dare say another degrading word about her. She is staying and you know it. She is my mate now and you need to learn to accept that. She hasn't done anything wrong towards you; she's been nothing but kind and has been putting up with all of your attitude. I will not tolerate any more of this disrespect, I am your coven leader and she is my equal. You will heed my orders young man or else you will face punishment, so I suggest you start changing the way you act not only around her but around me too," he hissed quietly with a stern tone I had never heard him use before. His firm reprimand caused a shiver to run down my body, "Am I understood Edward?"

I looked down at the ground. He had never talked to me like that, he had completely hurt my pride and it was all Esme's fault. That woman was changing everything about him. When I didn't answer, Carlisle promptly placed two fingers under my chin and applied pressure so I was looking straight at him.

"I said: Am. I. Understood?" He stated more firmly this time.

"Y-Yes sir," I mumbled too shocked by his tone to argue or challenge him.

"Good. Now, I was hoping we could spend the afternoon together but that doesn't seem to be the plan with you. I'll be downstairs if you need me, enjoy your books," he said and exited the room.

I stood there still in shock, but despite what Carlisle had told me, my feelings toward Esme had not changed for the best. I walked back to the desk where Carlisle had put the new books, picked the first one off the stack and lost myself in the reading.

* * *

The next day happened to be Saturday which meant I would stay home with Carlisle and Esme. Ever since her change, Carlisle had taken Friday nights and weekends off to take care of and spend more time with Esme. It disgusted me; this woman was not only taking Carlisle away from me but also from himself. Carlisle loved his job; he loved saving people, that was what defined him. Now with Esme here, everything was changing, even Carlisle was changing! That woman had no idea how much she was ruining my life.

I was still sitting on my couch reading, or rather _trying_ to read since thoughts of Esme's existence plagued my mind all night, when a knock on the door suddenly interrupted my angry thoughts. Accepting the welcome distraction I murmured, "Come in," knowing it was Carlisle.

When he opened the door I noted that he was wearing the white lab coat he wore when he was going to the hospital. That confused me; he usually didn't work on weekends.

"How are you feeling Edward?" he asked. Carlisle and I never fought and he was worried that we had not spoken the whole night.

I glared at him for a second and then lowered my glaze down at the book in my hands completely ignoring him.

"The hospital called," he continued after seeing that I wasn't going to answer, "One of the doctors is sick and they need me to fill in for him, can I trust that you can behave the whole day with Esme, Edward? I shouldn't be gone for too long,"

"I'm not a child Carlisle," I answered curtly.

"I know that but you have been acting like one these past weeks. It worries me, are you alright?"

"I already told you what's wrong. If you're just here to scold me again you might as well just get going." I replied with a tone I knew he wouldn't appreciate.

He shook his head slightly at my response and with a piercing look he said firmly, "Behave." then turned and left closing the door behind him. I heard him say goodbye to Esme and then the house went silent. Esme went to the garden and I went back to submerging into the comforting fantasy of my book.

* * *

Two hours after Carlisle had left I went downstairs to play piano. The music consumed me and soon I was composing another piece. When playing, I could always let go of my feelings and lose myself in the music. It calmed me down and as I was feeling more relaxed, my piece came to an end. The peaceful silence was suddenly interrupted by a soft voice.

"That was beautiful Edward," Esme said from behind me, "What's it called?"

"None of your business," I responded curtly while standing up and heading for the stairs.

"Wait Edward! Please don't leave," she exclaimed while putting her hand on my shoulder to restrain me from leaving, "I want to talk to you,"

I angrily shook her hand off my shoulder and growled in her face.

"Don't. Touch. Me." I said through gritted teeth and headed up to my room leaving a very frightened and distraught Esme behind.

I let out an agitated grunt and slumped on my couch. I shook my head and took unnecessary breaths trying to calm down. Why did I hate her? Why did I hate her so much?! Her mere presence agitated me! Sure she was taking my own reason for existing away, the man who I considered my _father, _but was she really? Maybe... Maybe I was just jealous...

NO. No! I was _not_ jealous. She was wrong and I was right. I didn't care what her thoughts read, I didn't care what she said, all I knew was that she was taking Carlisle away from me for her own selfish reasons. _She thinks she can just come into this house and take away my father?!_ Completely consumed by frustration, I threw one of the books from my desk at the wall making it crash loudly as it made a hole in the wall.

"_Shit_," I said looking stunned at the wall, "Carlisle's going to kill me..."

As soon as the book crashed into the wall, I heard hesitant yet desperate footsteps heading up the stairs. A soft knock came from my door.

"Edward... Are you alright, dear?" Esme. What does she care?

"Go away!" I didn't want to see her; I didn't want to hear her voice. She was the reason why I threw that stupid book at the wall. The reason why I was probably going to get it from Carlisle later today. But clearly she didn't care because she opened the door and let herself in in. Brave woman.

She let out a small gasp when she saw what I had done. I shot my head up and glared at her.

"Get out. Get out now." I said getting up.

"Oh Edward let me help. Maybe we could put a picture over this, Carlisle would never know," she said, a hopeful smile creeping up in her features, probably having heard my earlier statement.

I quickly stalked over to her and repeated myself almost growling this time, "I told you to get out NOW."

"But Edw-" I cut her off grabbing her by the arm and shoving her out of my room. I didn't realize how much force I had put into my push because instead of just pushing her out, I threw her out to the hallway causing her to fall and hit her head on the wall making a dent the size of her head. At that moment I didn't care about anything. I didn't care that I might have hurt her or that Carlisle might come home and wonder what that dent was. All that was going through my mind was how much I hated the woman in front of me.

"I DON'T WANT YOU. I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU I DON'T WANT YOU ANYWHERE NEAR ME. GO CRY TO YOUR PRECIOUS CARLISLE IF YOU WANT. I DON'T CARE JUST GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!"

I slammed the door of my room and tried not to focus on the tearless crying coming from the hallway.

Angrily, I kicked the foot of my couch causing it to break and fall over. I needed to get my anger out and breaking furniture was not the best way to do it. Taking deep breaths I merely stood there listening to the sobbing outside my door. For a while, I welcomed her crying; I wanted to hear her cry, to hear her suffer. _She deserves it. She's taking away my father, she deserves to be crying. _I continued to embrace her pain feeling triumphant that I had caused that. I was happy that she was suffering.

But then, I could start to feel the guilt beginning to creep up from my feelings. _Guilt? Why am I feeling guilt?! _I thought outraged, _this is what you wanted Edward, was it not? _Yes, that was what I wanted, to have her feel the pain that I felt from her actions. But after an hour of hearing her cry without stopping, the reality of what I had done began to dawn on me. I had put my hands on a woman. I had hurt someone who had never even raised her voice at me like the worst criminal.

But she was! She had tried to take Carlisle from me... She had tried to... to... No. No she hadn't. Why was I so stupid? Her crying consumed me and I couldn't take it any longer.

_What have I done? Oh gosh what have I done?_ I felt like crying too. I was disgusted in myself, how could I have done that to anyone? Especially to this woman who was horribly abused in her human life. _I'm a monster. I'm a soulless monster that belongs to hell. No wonder Esme was trying to get Carlisle away from me, he deserves salvation, he deserves a soul, but not me, I don't deserve any of that._

Another hour had gone by the same way. My inner dialogue fighting to find what side was right. I would convince myself that Esme was evil but then she would cry more and my resolve would crumble. I didn't know what to think, I didn't know what to do, her thoughts were incoherent and I couldn't hear anything but noise. She hadn't moved an inch from where I had thrown her and I felt my still heart tugging to go calm her down.

_What is wrong with you? Just a few hours ago you hated her and now you care for her well being? Get a hold of yourself Edward make up your mind._

Standing up, I went toward the door._ It'll be better if Carlisle doesn't find her like this when he comes back. I'm already in enough trouble as it is. _I thought.

Opening the door, I immediately saw her small frame crawled up in a ball on the wall crying to herself.

"Esme," I said making sure to keep my voice kind but not too friendly. I walked up to her and made to stroke her arm, "Esme I-"

"N-No... P-please," she said weakly in between sobs and pulled her arm back so she was out of my reach.

I felt a pang of guilt in my un-beating heart at that, "Esme, please let me explain..." I tried to grab her hand but once again she pulled it back, this time more desperately.

"N-No, no p-please... Ch-Charles, p-please don't hurt m-me any-anymore..." she managed to get out while shaking and trying to move farther away from me.

I pulled my hand back immediately. Charles? Who was Char-Oh no. Oh no no no. Charles was the man who abused her, the man who caused her life to be hell. And she thought _I _was Charles. But in a way I was... I threw her to the ground, I hurt her, I... I abused her.

"No Esme, no, I'm not Charles," I said desperately trying to calm her down. I crouched next to her and my heart tore when she flinched, "It's me Edward. I-I'm sorry, I shouldn't have pushed you. Please come back Esme, it's me, it's Edward,"

At that moment I heard Carlisle's car turn onto the road that led to our secluded house. As much as I dreaded what he would do to me when he saw what I had done to his beloved, I hoped that maybe he could calm her down. I was at a loss of what to do so I just sat there trying to cease her cries. Carlisle's worried thoughts immediately hit me. He could hear her crying, and he could probably also hear her desperate pleas for Charles not to hurt her. I stood up and gulped when I heard the front door opening and in less than a second Carlisle was at my side.

"What is going on?! Esme are you alright?" He said outraged, "Edward what happened?!"

But before I could answer, Esme's soft voice came from her cries, "C-Carlisle?"

"Oh Esme," Carlisle bent down and picked her up wrapping her in his arms, "It's alright Esme, I'm here, it's alright, hush now... I've got you dear," The comforting went on for a while and I just stood there wanting the ground to swallow me. I looked down at my hands; I couldn't bear the thought of looking at Esme, her broken figure probably reflecting my evil deeds. And Carlisle, after he finds out what happened he would probably ask me to leave. And _that_ I would welcome graciously, I deserved death or at least dismemberment for what I had done. But I knew Carlisle wouldn't punish me that way, his compassionate soul would restrain him from doing so. Although I also doubted that either him or Esme would be able to stand my presence any longer. Slowly, Esme's cries died down and as the house began to regain its eerie silence, the nervousness of my upcoming future overwhelmed me.

_What have I done? _I once more berated myself as an unwanted sob suddenly escaped my body. I felt Carlisle and Esme's eyes on me as soon as the tiny gasp had escaped my throat. Esme's cries had stopped and only her subtle sniffling was heard when my sobs that were beginning to release themselves from my emotionally torn body began to arise. I was crying, I couldn't help it; I began crying feeling so helpless for my actions. Knowing that soon, I was going to be asked to leave. I couldn't believe what I had done and I couldn't handle all that was weighing on my shoulders. My overwhelming emotions were too much and the only way to release them was by crying.

I felt pathetic. A man wouldn't cry like this at his upcoming predicament, and at that moment, I didn't want to be a man. I wanted to be my 17 year old physical self that I was perpetually trapped to be. I wanted a father and a mother who would love and care for me, not for a coven leader who would probably throw me out for hurting his mate. _What have I done? _I kept chastising myself as the severity of my crime kept weighing down on me. My whole body was shaking and my tearless sobs resonated through the house.

And then, a pair of arms around me suddenly interrupted my inner devastation. I froze immediately, thinking that an attack was taking place. But as I felt no pain or force behind the action, I realized that these arms were embracing me, they were _hugging _me. But they weren't arms that I had felt before, these were delicate, soft... these were Esme's arms. I stiffened as her arms wrapped around me, I couldn't believe what was happening. I had hurt her and had left her alone when she most needed comfort. I treated her like dirt and practically abused her, but yet she was hugging me, rubbing my back, trying to calm me down.

"Relax Edward, it's okay dear, there is nothing to be crying about," she rubbed more circles on my back, "I'm sorry for calling you Charles... I lost myself for a little but I'm back and everything is alright, shh honey I've got you,"

"D-don't apologize, p-please," I said through sobs. I was mistaken, Esme was not the demotic creature I accused her of being, I could tell now that she was never trying to take Carlisle away from me, she was the most compassionate and most loving person I had ever encountered. And now, she was trying to comfort me and ask for forgiveness after I had practically _abused_ her. I didn't deserve her love... I didn't deserve her forgiveness. But my selfish desires overcame me and I let myself fall into her embrace, "I am so sorry Esme... so sorry,"

Esme kept me in her arms and I gladly returned her hug. I could hear Carlisle's confused thoughts at the scene that unfolded before him. For one, he was glad that I had finally come to accept Esme and that I was being kind to her but for the other, Carlisle was worried at why we kept apologizing to each other. However for now, he just wanted to enjoy the moment and walked over to rub Esme's shoulders. We stayed like that for a while, just my crying and Esme's occasional quiet sniffling to be heard. It wasn't until the sun was setting outside that I felt Carlisle breaking apart from our embrace. At his movement, Esme too pulled away from our hug to look at Carlisle but still held my hand tightly. I didn't want to look at him, I knew that what was coming was not going to be pleasant, but Esme encouragingly squeezed my hand and I forced my eyes up to meet Carlisle's expectant gaze. With worry and confusion etched across his face, Carlisle cleared his throat and asked, "Edward, Esme… What happened while I was gone?"

* * *

**A/N: **Thank you guys so much for reading! Please review if you could, I'd love to hear what you think (be it good or bad)! Constructive criticism is always welcome but please no flames. (And to the flamers who I will probably get, please don't leave mean comments but if you must, we'll then... Haters gonna hate)

A big shout-out and thank you to Cumor for having read my silly story beforehand and given me the confidence to post this. If you didn't like it you can blame her LOL.

No promises to when the next chapter will be posted (its finals week ahh!) but I'll have it up as soon as I can. Thanks for reading :-)


	2. Chapter 2

We sat in the living room, Carlisle and Esme eyeing me carefully as they waited for me to begin speaking. After Carlisle had posed his question about our evening, Esme decided it would be better if we didn't have that conversation in the hallway. Now as we all sat in the living room, Esme and Carlisle sharing the loveseat and I on the adjacent couch, I was expected to explain my earlier misdeeds.

I looked down at my hands picking roughly at my nails welcoming anything to keep me from looking at Carlisle and Esme. I couldn't help but feel nervous at my upcoming sentence that I was sure to receive after I confessed my earlier actions. Carlisle had mentioned that I would face punishment if I disrespected Esme again and what I had done today went far beyond disrespect. I was nervous; Carlisle had never truly disciplined me before. Through my first two years as a vampire, he understood that much of my misbehavior was either due to the hatred of this new life or to my newborn vampire instincts. He was very supportive and the most Carlisle had ever done was a stern lecture. Somehow, I didn't think that a scolding would suffice this time.

I had a slight idea of what he might do to me after our conversation. I doubted he would be able to stand my presence after I had caused so much suffering to his mate so he would probably ask me to leave. I knew from stories Carlisle had told me that in other covens, the punishment for even raising one's voice against the coven leader's mate is usually death or dismemberment. I shuddered at that idea... Carlisle would never do that right? At most he would exile me from the family... But as the time got closer to explain what I had done, I doubted my hopeful thinking.

_"Edward?" _Carlisle mentally prompted, tired of my silence, "_I'm waiting."_

Taking a few shaky and unnecessary breaths I forced myself to look up at him. I was met by those compassionate golden eyes I knew so well, but this time they were tinted with worry and concern. Oh those eyes would be furious and jet-black in just a few minutes, I was sure of it.

"Wh-Where would you like me to start?" I said not knowing where to begin. So much had happened that I couldn't explain with words, I had let my feelings guide me to such overwhelming places. How was I going to get Carlisle to understand that?

"Start from the beginning, what did you do after I left for the hospital?"

Hesitantly I said, "I read some books, um played piano..." I trailed off and looked back down at my hands. He would not like this next part. How I wished I could lie or at least leave some of the details out. But with Esme next to him, I knew it was not wise to lie. I doubted she would rat me out but I knew that if I didn't confess completely, her trust in me would be damaged. Not that she had any reason to trust me given what I had put her through in the past couple of hours but somehow she still trusted me. And I wasn't about to put that newly found faith at risk. I looked up at Esme and she gave me a sad smile, like she was sorry I had to be in this position. I felt sorry for myself too, but ignored that and forced myself to continue.

"When I finished playing, Esme came and complimented my work and that... well that angered me. I don't know why but it did, so I told her to leave me alone and went up to my room," Carlisle frowned at that but I continued, "I... I was trying to calm myself down but the more I thought about what happened the angrier I got so I grabbed the closest thing to me and threw it at the wall..."

"I suppose whatever it is you threw penetrated the wall?" Carlisle asked with a sigh.

"Yes sir," I looked down.

_"That's not too bad... We can fix that." _I heard Carlisle's thoughts before he spoke.

"Very well, continue please Edward," He was taking this extremely well. Maybe I would get through this in once piece.

Still picking at my nails and looking down I continued, "At the sound of the crash Esme came up... Again I told her to leave but instead, she walked in to see what I had done. When she saw the hole she offered to help clean it up but once again her presence agitated me and I... I..." I started trembling as it came time to confess the worst of my crimes. My voice began to shake before I trailed off, I couldn't tell Carlisle what I had done to his mate, I just couldn't! I didn't care about how calm he seemed now, if I told him what I did, he would kill me then and there for sure.

"I-I'm sorry... I can't, I can't do this," I chocked out with sobs beginning to build in my throat. I desperately put my face in my hands as if that would make this whole mess go away. I was afraid; afraid for my life. I had never done something of this severity around Carlisle and I didn't know how he would respond. I didn't want to wait and see his reaction.

_He won't kill you, he won't kill you,_ I tried to convince myself. But the more I thought about it, the more I doubted my resolve. _Yes he will, of course he will! He is a vampire. You mess with a vampire's mate, you die. You were never anything to him anyways._ I was just a kid who he had picked up from the streets, filling that hole of solitude until he found someone more deserving of it. And now that he had found Esme, I was sure that he was just looking for an excuse to get rid of me.

_"That poor boy..." _I heard Esme's thoughts, "_he doesn't deserve what he's going through just because of my breakdown." _How was she blaming herself for the mess I had caused?

"Carlisle, Edward just didn't want me invading his privacy. When he asked me to leave and I didn't, he escorted me out. On the way, Edward accidentally put too much pressure and I tripped and hit my head on the wall. That is all." She said with finality in her tone.

I immediately lifted my head and gaped at Esme who was standing up as if the conversation had ended. _It's okay Edward, I don't want you suffering unnecessarily, none of this is your fault. _She thought, sending a sympathetic smile in my direction.

"No, Esme, you can't... you can't downplay my actions like that," I said finally gaining back the courage to speak. I looked at Carlisle who seemed startled by this new revelation, "When Esme refused to leave my room, my anger flared and I grabbed her and threw her out to the hallway where she hit her head. I screamed at her and she became very distraught and slipped into a memory of her past. I left her crying in the hallway for hours until I finally decided to go check on her. Not too long after that, you arrived, and well... y-you know the rest…" I had lost all my newly found bravery by the time I uttered those last words.

"You did _what_ Edward Cullen?" Carlisle's voice rung out with a razor sharp edge. I flinched immediately. _He is going to kill me!_ I thought desperately. And I truly did believe that. I could assume from Carlisle's frantic thoughts and menacing posture that he had every intention to do so. I couldn't make out individual thoughts of his, it was just noise and although I couldn't read whether he _was_ planning to kill me or not, I didn't want to stick around to risk it.

"Carlisle! Carlisle, you need to calm down dear," Esme was quick to say placing a hand on his shoulder. At her touch Carlisle closed his eyes and took a few breaths to calm himself down. Seeing that quick distraction and taking advantage of it, I wasted no time at heading towards the front door and running out. I heard Esme gasp and call me back but I couldn't go back, I couldn't turn back to my own execution. Shooting one last glance back, I saw Esme's broken face and Carlisle's alert features before I turned back and ran as fast as I possibly could.

I knew it was foolish, to be running away from punishment like I was, but at the time all I wanted to do was to save my own life. I just needed to get away from the house, Carlisle would surely be right behind me and I couldn't let him catch up to me. I ran as fast as I could, I had always been faster than Carlisle so I could outrun him. While I fled, it weighed down on me that I had hurt poor Esme and had evaded consequences for it. I deserved to be punished and I deserved to be killed, but I just couldn't stand there and take it. I hoped someday Esme would forgive my childish and immature actions.

I wasn't sure how far I'd run but it had been a few hours and since all I heard was the sound of the wind and the animals around me, I knew it was safe enough to stop. I sat and leaned against a tree from the forest that surrounded me. I was an outcast now, a nomad. Carlisle must have either lost my scent or had mercy on me and decided not to kill me. Probably the latter since he was such a compassionate being. So in a way I didn't completely evade punishment. I _was_ facing consequences, although probably not the ones Carlisle would have picked. But in a way, it felt good to feel so miserable. At least I was facing some sort of retribution for my crime. That was the least I could do for Esme.

_Esme._ I groaned as I thought of her. That woman had shaken up everything about my world. _If only Carlisle hadn't changed her... _I couldn't help but start to think before quickly stopping myself. _No Edward, it's not her fault. She didn't do anything, stop blaming her. _But even as I tried to hide those thoughts from my mind, I knew that if Carlisle hadn't found her; If he hadn't changed her, I would be at home, probably reading in the library waiting for Carlisle to get back home from his shift, not in the middle of nowhere hiding from the man I once considered my father.

But I knew that it was never her fault. It was my own stupid actions that had ruined those perfect moments. Esme was just trying to make things better, she was so sweet and kind and understanding. _Way to go Edward, you made even the kindest creature in the world hate you. _I rubbed my eyes trying to make some of the strain leave me but as I brought my hands up to my face, I noticed the dark band that coiled like a snake around my wrist. Taking it off slowly, I examined it but it only served to remind me of what I had lost. Carlisle had gifted me this band not long after he found me. He said he wanted something to define us and the crest in the middle symbolized our loyalty to each other, our strength and trust within one another. I had betrayed every detail the crest stood for, and I was no longer nor deserved to be a part of Carlisle's coven... Of Carlisle's family.

_Why were you ever foolish enough to think he had any paternal feelings toward you Edward? You are nothing but a burden._ I gripped the band in my hand for a second before throwing it with all my force away from me through the trees. After a second, I heard it land softly on the ground too far for me to see and I felt every trace of hope disappear with it. What was I going to do now? All alone, on my own. Wander the streets; try to not run into Carlisle or Esme? It seemed miserable, but still a bit better than death. Maybe someday I would find a companion like how Carlisle found Esme.

I slumped on the ground wondering what I would do next. _Maybe I should go back..._ my mind began to race, but I quickly shook that thought out of my head. No, I had outrun Carlisle and I had escaped punishment, I was not going back. Was it wrong of me to think that way? I didn't care. It wasn't as if the way I thought was going to change anything, I was an exile now, a nomad, I could think and do however I pleased.

A strong gush of wind suddenly blew the scents of all the animals around me in the forest. Their warm blood called me in and awakened a burning in my throat. I needed to hunt, I was thirsty. I stood up and breathed in the air around me ready to hunt. But just as I was about to stalk after the scent of a bear, my previous thoughts ran through my head. _I could think and do however I pleased._ That meant... I didn't have to follow Carlisle's rules anymore; I didn't have to answer to anyone. I wasn't going to settle for mere animal blood when now I could drink the sweet blood of humans without consequences.

I had always wanted to try human blood, and although I had tried it a couple of times when I slipped, the thought that I would have to face Carlisle's disappointment always left a bitter taste behind. Now that I didn't have to follow his rules, I could hunt and give in to my desires without having to answer to anyone. Yes, I would indulge in my nature and finally fully get rid of the constant burning in my throat. Excitement flowed through me as I prepared for my new prey.

Smelling the air around me, I followed the faint traces of human scent. It was far, given that I was in the middle of the forest but the sudden excitement I felt at doing something forbidden completely overtook me. I ran towards the town and let my instincts take over. As I got closer and closer, the potent scent of human blood took over all my senses. Most humans were in their homes probably sleeping, given the time, so as I got into town, I decided to stalk the neighborhood and make my prey the first person I found alone. This way, there would be no witnesses and I could enjoy my meal without the worry of someone else seeing my deeds.

Walking in the dark streets, I felt even more excitement as I heard the heartbeats of the people sleeping soundly in their homes. Lucky for them, they would be spared of their lives today but not everyone in town would be so lucky. I felt like a true vampire now, coming out at night, stalking the streets for vulnerable humans whom I could sink my teeth into. I chuckled to myself; maybe being an exile wasn't so bad after all.

After walking down a couple of streets and alleys, the outline of a lone human finally appeared. Spotting my first meal, I grinned devilishly to myself and prepared for the attack. This would be the first time that I consciously hunted a human and I was completely engulfed by that thought to think or hear anything else. As the male walked closer and closer to my direction, my throat began to burn fiercely and I let my instincts take over. Running towards the man, I grabbed him by the neck and dragged him roughly to the nearest alley as he struggled to free himself from my grasp.

Cornering him to a wall, I spoke softly without removing my hold on him, "Sorry lad, looks like today wasn't the right time to be out and about in town,"

"LET M-" I cut off his cries not wanting to hear the annoying voice of my meal by throwing him to the opposite wall.

"Be quiet!" I said fiercely walking over to him clearly showing him who was the predator and who was the prey. The man had started bleeding from the impact of hitting the wall and I completely lost myself to the scent. The very frightened human looked at me trembling as I leaned down and pursed my lips against his neck.

"Sorry about this," I said with fake sincerity before baring my teeth and biting deeply into his neck.

He began screaming after I had bit him but his irritable voice didn't affect me any more. The delicious blood was too mesmerizing for me to form any other coherent thought. Sucking his blood, I realized I had forgotten how incredibly appetizing human blood tasted. It was quenching every aspect of my thirst flowing beautifully down my throat and into my system. I drank his blood enjoying the sweet delicacy not even thinking that I was slowly taking the man's life away.

"_Edward?! Edward oh no! Edward stop!" _I heard the thoughts of someone at very close proximity. I recognized this voice but in the middle of my hunt, I was too distraught to connect the voice with a face. Forcing myself apart from my prey, I turned and hissed at the intruder.

"Leave, he's **mine**!" I barely recognized the man staring back at me with wide eyes but as I saw no further threat with his presence, I ignored him and went back to my hunt.

"_The man is almost dead... and he's seen too much anyways, it looks like I was too late." _I heard the thoughts of the vampire behind me. Too late? Too late for what? Did he come here to steal my hunt? Was that his objective? Growling, I finished my meal and let the human's body fall at my feet.

"Edward," A firm voice suddenly spoke from behind me. I turned around as I remembered the vampire that had tried to steel my prey. Crouching into a stance ready to fight, I examined the creature in front of me. My eyes went wide with shock as, no longer distracted by my hunt, I quickly recognized the man. _Carlisle. _A shudder ran through me, _What was he doing here? We were hours away from home, what was he doing?!_ I felt my panic begin to quickly build.

So he _had_ followed me after all. He couldn't live with the thought that he had released a monster like myself into the world; he had to dispose of me. Well I wasn't going to let him. With fresh human blood running through me, I had found a confidence and strength I didn't have before. Or maybe it was just stupidity. Whatever the case, I would fight him; I would fight for my life. Even though I knew I deserved death, I didn't _want_ death, and my desires were much more potent than my submission to justice was.

"I know why you are here Carlisle, I know what you want, and I'm not going to let you have it. I won't let you kill me," I spat menacingly.

"Edward what are you talk-" I cut him off by punching him hard on his stomach making him crash into one of the walls in the alley. There was no way I was going to let him get the upper hand to this inevitable battle. If I was going to win, I had to be better, and that meant throwing the first punch.

"Edward! What has gotten into you? I need you to calm down, I don't want to hurt you," Carlisle said getting up from the ground and looking me over. I ignored him,_ he must be playing mind tricks with you, don't let him get the upper hand! _I told myself as I ran and made to attack him again. He swiftly dodged my assault however and moved out of the way.

That increased my anger and I growled at him throwing myself full force in his direction, only to be met by thin air as he once again dodged me. Carlisle hated any type of violence; I didn't know he knew how to defend himself on an attack. I thought this would be an easy battle to win, how did he keep avoiding all my moves?!

"What do you think you're doing boy?" He asked as I crouched menacingly once more.

"I know you want justice for what I did to your mate! I know that you won't settle until you have it, but I will not let you! I will not let you kill me!" I went to punch him again but he caught my wrist and twisted it back then grabbed my other hand and pinned them both behind my back. He had trapped me. And he had done it in less than a second, how did he know how to do these things? Carlisle knew how to fight?! I was completely shocked and humiliated at how the battle was turning; this was not how it was supposed to end. I was _not_ supposed to be in such a vulnerable position under my executioner.

"_Kill _you?! I would never do such a thing, you should know that Edward!"

"Then why are you here?!" I screamed angrily trying to break away from his hold. I didn't believe one word he was saying. I struggled and trashed in his grip desperate to set myself free and save my life.

"I'm here to take you back home. Stop struggling Edward, I'm not going to hurt you. We've been so worried about you, I thought you'd come back, but after an hour I couldn't handle it anymore and went to search for you. We were so afraid something had happened to you although I see now that it wasn't _you_ whom I should have been worried about," he said glancing to the corpse of the man I had murdered.

"But you said I would be punished if I disrespected Esme again and what I did went far beyond disrespect... What I did... It is punishable by death in other covens!" I said trying harder to release myself from his grip. I didn't want to die, I didn't want to die, I was so afraid!

"Since when have we been like other covens Edward? We are a family, a rather odd one, but a family nevertheless. I love you so much; the thought of losing you is one of the worst things that could ever happen, do you not realize how much I care for you? I would never, **never** do anything that could possibly harm you, please understand this Edward," His voice was thick with emotion and his thoughts read nothing but sincerity. He _loved_ me? Despite all that transpired he still loved me? At that my fights slowed down and I let myself fall into his tight grasp on me.

"But Carlisle... You... You said I would be punished?" I wasn't fighting his grip anymore. I had resigned my fate to him as soon as I had seen the sincerity behind his words.

"Oh trust me, you are in a lot of trouble young man, just wait until we get home," he paused and let my hands go, "but I would never punish you in a way that would permanently harm you. You should know that."

As he released me, I quickly dropped to the floor on my knees. My body was shaking with tearless cries as I once again realized that I had completely disappointed and let Carlisle down. I proclaimed myself an exile, killed a human and attacked Carlisle. What in the WORLD was wrong with me?!

I heard him kneeled next to me and felt his soft touch as he stroked my shoulder. He didn't say anything, just waited until I calmed down and was able to stand again. As soon as I was back on my feet, he pulled me into a hug.

"I am so sorry for the way I reacted earlier Edward," he whispered into my ear, "No matter what you did, I should have never reacted that way. I'm so sorry for scaring you off, and I am **so **sorry for making you think I wanted to kill you. That will never be my intention Edward, I can give you my word,"

I was confused. If he wasn't going to kill me, then what would my punishment be? Nervously, I searched his mind for what upcoming predicament I would be in but was greeted by the sounds of a different language I didn't recognize. I groaned quietly to myself as nervous anxiety quickly began to build in me.

"Are you going to ask me to leave?" I whispered almost inaudibly, but he heard me nevertheless.

"No Edward, no. I would never ask you to leave either, I love you too much. I..." he trailed off and took a deep breath, "I've never been able to tell you this, I didn't know if it was too soon but... Ever since you came, I've seen you like my own Edward... I've seen you like... Like a son." he admitted and with heartfelt words.

I let go of him feeling overwhelmed by what he had just told me. Could this be true? Could he really mean it? I just stared at him too shocked that a man like Carlisle, a _perfect_ man like Carlisle, would see someone like me as his son. So I just stood there, staring at him, too shocked to say a word.

Clearly embarrassed by my lack of response, he lowered his gaze and said, "Come on Edward, let's dispose of your kill and head back home. We'll talk about this later but right now, Esme is worried sick and I don't want to keep her waiting more than needed,"

_"It was too soon, Carlisle... much too soon," _I heard him tell himself.

_Don't be stupid Edward, do something!_ I told myself trying to find the ability to speak again. Trailing behind Carlisle and following his lead I smiled slightly to myself and responded.

"Yes... Yes father."

* * *

**A/N: ***falls over* Phew! This one was hard! Edward is so crazy, I never intended the story to take on this turn, but he clearly had a different idea in mind! I hoped you liked this chapter, thank you so much for reading!

Thanks for all the reviews and follows and favorites, they mean so much you guys! You don't know how much I appreciate it! I'm actually incredibly surprised by all the positive feedback and I hope this chapter meets your expectations. Please review, I love reading what you think... 'Till next time! :-)


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